Resolutions

I have always relished making resolutions for New Year’s. Resolution making plays right into my Virgo-pitta-introvert-compulsiveness. In fact, I have often gone overboard by writing long lists and extensive, detailed plans to balance my budget, perfect my health, learn more skills, take on more responsibilities and take better care of myself and others all at the same time. And being a perfectionist by nature, I typically manage to make superficial progress on all of those fronts, but not to transform or make deep personal changes while doing it. Resolutions have always been about the achievement of reaching a goal, rather than the journey. And at the end of each year, I am left feeling a general and very uninspired sense of “well, I suppose I kinda did that” and checking things off of my big list.

2011 was a huge year of transition for me, including plenty of challenges and opportunities, resulting in a tremendous amount of personal growth. As the year comes to a close, I have been pondering making some resolutions for the new year, but have been a bit stumped. After all of this year’s ups and downs, I feel on track with my diet, exercise, career and self-care routines and endeavors.  Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t mastered all of these areas of my life, but I am making healthy and consistent progress and know that I will continue to develop better in these areas without added resolve or force. Moreover, I have recognized how many blessings I have and that so many of the “issues” I have been facing, resolving and improving in years past are really just the “problems of the privledged”.  So, I have decided that instead of making my usual yearly resolutions related to improving my behavior, I am going to make one big resolution focused on my mindset.

The one aspect of my life that I really feel has needed a big makeover this year is my inner monologue, which tends to be rather anxious, gossipy and self-critical and then react to those moments with a good dose of guilt.  So, in 2012, I resolve to cultivate happiness, positivity, and acceptance towards myself and others. Some of the ways I plan to achieve this goal will be tangible, having a daily yoga practice for instance, but I imagine that there will be no real way to measure my success tangibly.  And yet, I am hoping that when 2012 comes to an end, I will feel energized and inspired and hopefully not be left with that vague feeling of having achieved everything on my list, but it meaning nearly nothing.

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